and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
