what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
