i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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