wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
