I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
high people should be assigned attendants
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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