Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
