rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
