I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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