Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The uberlube is also flammable
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
