Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
