Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
