laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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