Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Are my feet made of real feet?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
