Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
