I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
