3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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