Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
