I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
