Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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