Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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