So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
