I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize