Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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