dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
