Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
