I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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