ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
