dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
