This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
