Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Randomize
