i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
