you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
