New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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