Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize