does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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