im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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