I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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