discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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