Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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