i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
