oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
