Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
