dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
