I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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