i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
They should really pass out barf bags in church
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
