32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
