i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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