she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
