Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
