Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
