Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
