he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
