my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
