Sponge bath it is.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
