I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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