just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
