Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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