She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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