What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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