I'm really into asian looking animals
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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