tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This house was built for laser tag.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
