You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
