I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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