Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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