i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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