Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
