K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
