Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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