Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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