Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize