but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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