I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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