before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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